Who is Carrick Glen
The birth of Carrick Glen. Carrick was born on the 6th of Taintly 0 ACV (After Cunt Vaginaman). He was born on the summit of "The Tainted mountain" on a cold and rainy night. Everyone was crowding around Cunt Vaginiamans vagina to try and see what will come out of her yargen infested vagina. At first nothing but black, asain midgets came spewing out of her asshole but as you should be aware this is a normal custom for women who are giving birth. The midgets signify safe passage for the baby into the realm of the living. For eight whole hours there was nothing but sensual moans from Cunt, all around Shegly everyone was worried that their queen would give birth to some dead ass nigga. But when all hope was lost two tiny hands firmly grasped the flaps of the vagina and pulled it open, and at that specific moment Cunt and her trusty goat 'Thermedicolas' (fer-mid-o-cleze) knew that the new king of Shegly, a new yarl of Yargenstead had been born. Carricks Childhood. Most of Carricks early life was spent in the small town of 'Tainthold' a quiet and reserved place away from the war and protected by the 'Tainted Mountains'. Carrick wrote in his memoirs entitled 'To love the song of yak monster'. " I was a smart child, but i was a lonely one, it is not that i didn't want freinds, i did, but i hid myself away in the fantasy worlds of such great writers like : Hairy Li and Boe Joomhed and my favourite (even to this day) Fosh Jreemayn. Their whimsical tales of heroism and bravery inspired (me and still does) to be the so called hero i am today." Carrick also writes about his mentor and also his mothers goat 'Thermedicolas', and how he taught Carrick to master the skill of the blade. Thermedicolas often wrote about Carrick alot in his many journals. "Carrick is a good boy, a kind boy , a smart boy and a handsome boy but he can be stupid at times which will kill him if his not careful, but he is just a boy, and i a talking goat." At the young age of 80 he witnessed his own mothers death, by the hand of his own mentor Thermedicolas. Carrick beheaded Thermedicolas with his bare hands and then wouldnt speak to anyone apart from his mothers tombstone for 70 years. Carrick was then took to Yargenstead by his uncle, the yarl of Yargenstead 'Flyn Lovelock' (He was an uncle on his mothers side). It was there where he spent the rest of his days and became the God king we all know and love today. The War against the "Fucktopians" On the East side of Shegly lives the Fucktopians who want independce from Shegly. But the only way they see that this can be done is by taking over the capital of Shegly 'Yargenstead'. Many times have they attacked the walls of that city, but only to be met with a defeat. In the year 2902 ACV a young Carrick decides that he has had enough of these attacks, and plans an all out war with, the Fucktopians. Carrick decides that he shall hold the Fucktopian army at the small bridge bewteen the two islands, 'the bridge of soggy scrotums'. For many a year did Carrick hold the Fucktopians at that passageway and for many a year did the Fucktopians lose. The Battle of Betrayers Carrick much to everyones disbelief brought only 690 men to hold the bridge and after many months the number was dwindled down to only 165. Many men defected and joined the Fucktopians, the men and goats who stayed truthful to Carrick called these men 'the betrayers'. The battle began an early Surssday when the sun was ripe in the air and the men horny. They heard the horn of the clan 'Glen' and thought it was renforcements, but it was just the betrayers underneath the banner of the clan 'Torvok'. A booming voice came from a centaur who rode out infront of carricks men and said " You know that i am 'Shitter Torvok' son of 'Penis Torvok' of the house 'Torvok' and you know why i came, for the seat on the high kings throne that rightfully belongs to my family and the fuck ugly head of the Yarl himself, the bastard son of Cunt Vaginaman, Carrick Glen." The Battle raged on for 17 hours straight, and the only people left standing were; Carrick and Shitter. Carrick asked for the battle to be over, they had spilled enough blood, but Shitter filled with rage, charged nipple first at Carrick, Carrick then put his sword down and pulled his battle Yargen out of his prolapsed asshole and threw it at Shitter, it flew through the air and hit Shitter shitter right on the head, which made Shitter fall to the floor, but much to Carricks suprise, Shitter got back up and took of his armor and threw down his sword and asked Carrick to fight him to the death, with Carrcik wearing Shitters armour and using his sword. This in Fucktopian culture is used as a sign of respect, When a Fucktopian has chosen who he is to fight for his last battle, he gives his enemy his sword and armor. Carrick then killed Shitter with a clean precise slash to the neck. As a sign of respect Carrick buried all of his and Shitters men in less than a day. Carricks downfall. When Carrick came back to Yargenstead he was not met with applauses and whistles not even a single fedora was thrown into the air to commemorate Carricks victory. Instead he was met with widows of the men and shemales who thought for him and a crashing wave of hatred. Carrick was then kicked off of his throne in Yargenstead and banished from ever entering the walls of Yargenstead ever again. Carrick knew why he had been banished, but he also knew that he could make it right but he didnt figure that out untill nearly all hope was lost. For anyone who isnt accustomed with Sheglian culture and lore, any man or woman who participates in any form of Fucktopian culture is deemed a traitor by the council of taints and is hereby banished to all the main citys in Shegly, which are: Tainthold, Nipplerun, Prolapsestead, Assoina, Yargenstead, Glenwood (The home of the clan Glen) and Urethraingham. With no where to go,Carrick set foot towards the far north of Shegly which borderd the province of Rearwind, known for its snowy lanscapes. Carrick (after 2 months) got to Fort Gaia, Fort Gaia was infamously known to harbour criminals and betrayers to Shegly. It was also known for protecting the icey wall that protected Shegly from the ice giants that lived on the other side. Carrick joined the brothers of Gaia and served along side them, protecting the people of the small villages that lived on the border from bandits. After you have served 50 years as a brother you are free to leave, and that is exactly what carrick did, he left and blew all of his money on the notorious drug Goatse. He also used a lot of his money on whores at the nearest brothel, the only whores he would have sex were the ones with a hefty prolapse. After a year of these actions Carrick was low on money,and addicted to Goatse. He became so addicted he killed anyone who stopped him from getting the smallest amount. This led to 79 years in a dungeon, wear he was told to 'reflect' on his actions. After he was released Carrick was given no money, and was no longer the fabled her but a drunk war veteren. Carrick heard stories of what was happening in Yargenstead, and what he heard made him very upset, as his uncles bastard son (Hannibal Lovelock) had taken over as the Yarl of Yargenstead, whilst his uncle had proclamied himself as the High king of all of Shegly. They also declared that they would lead an assult on Glenwood as it had been rumored that they were supplying weapons to the Fucktopians. Carrick knew that he must fight for Glenwood against his once great city which he loved dearly. But Carrick was thwarted as he would not be able to get to Glenwood in enough time to save the people of Glenwood and his long lost brother 'Neste Glen'. Carrick then worked as a male hooker, promising to himself that he would only do women, but that changed to shemales very fast. He managed to get enough money for a horse and quickly set off for Glenwood. When he got there Glenwwod was in ruins, buildings were destroyed, and it was on its last wall out of five. Carrick snuck into Glenwood and dressed up as a recruit in the army, and found his way to the throne room to find his brother praying for a hero, who could kill a whole army with one Yargen. Carrick patted Neste's left asscheek like when they were children, and then Neste knew that his hero had come. Neste being the yarl of Glenwood renounced all of the claims of treachery that were bestowed on Carrick and then, they both knew that they would win this battle and reclaim Yargenstead and revert it back to its former glory. The Battle for Glenwood Every man and woman was told to fight for their city and their yarl, and they all did, every single person who dwelled inside the walls of Glenwood,stood outside there city singing a war hymn that was dedicated to Carrick and his battle against the Fucktopians. That only angered the Yargensteadians more, so in a fury of rage Hannibal rode with 100 other men on horseback towards Carrick and Neste, and as soon as Hannibal and his riders were close, Carrick and his soilders picked up extra long yargens and pointed them at the riders, the horses then rode straight into the yargens and the riders were shot off of their horses, where they were hacked to pieces on the ground by Carrick and his men. Flyn, who had just seen his only son killed infront of his eyes killed by the man he set to exile, sent all of his men (including himself) to charge at Carrick and his men. Carrick had the advantage of being atop of the hill, ordered his bowmen to fire flaming arrows at the charging men, one lucky bowmen hit Flyn in the taint. This is when Carrick knew he had to kill Flyn once and for all, Carrick withdrew the same yargen with which he killed Shitter Torvok with, Flyn was a master at the art of Yargen dueling and also taught Carrick everything he knew, but did not teach Carrick how to triple wield yargens. Carrick swiftly pulled another yargen out of his cloak and then half shitted one out ( a half shit is when you shit but it only comes out half way). Flyn knew that this would be his reckoning, but he could sense Carricks fear, as this was the first time Carrick had ever thought with three yargens. Flyn quickly disarmed Carricks left yargen, but a swift blow to Flyns head with Carricks yargen in his right hand had Flyn on the floor. As Carrick was about to give Flyn the finishing blow Flyn smacked Carrick in the stomach with his yargen which winded Carrick, Flyn then got up and hit Carrick on the head with his yargen, Carrick was lying on his bruiesd stomach in a muddy puddle. Carrick was so weak that he couldnt move he dropped his yargen and it rolled away from him, Flyn yanked Carricks ass yargen and used it to strangle Carrick, " You are no match for me Carrick Glen hahaha you were always the weak one!" Flyn shouted Carrick roared whilst reaching for his yargen which was only a fingers touch away. "You shut your mouth you filthy Lovelock." Carrick using all of his strength reached and grabbed his yargen and turned with such a powerful movement broke the yargen underneath his neck and shoved his yargen into Flyns right eye. The yargen went so deep in his head that it made a hole through his brain which inturn killed Flyn. The yargensteadinans, with both of their masters dead, put down their weapons and offered to fight for any cause which Carrick was fighting for. Carrick then looked around for his brother, but he could not be seen. But then Carrick did see him, lying on the ground with 26 yargens in his asshole...no prolapse. Carrick knew to well of what to lose someone felt like, but he couldnt help fall on his knees and cry. Carrick and the rest of his men marched back into Glenwood holding the Glen banner high whislt singing a hymn of glourioius battles, now dedicated to Neste Glen. The Final days of Carrick Glen Carricks death was a heroic one that noone will ever forget, ever. After the battle of Glenwood Carrick went back to Yargenstead and was granted access, and quickly became the new yarl. After two years on the yarls seat he became the new High King of all of Shegly. There was still threats of war from the Fucktopians but Carrick knew they wouldnt attack. Carrick married a beautiful woman named Vaginelle Lovelock ( This marridge presevered the peace bewteen the two houses). Vaginelle Glen (as she is known after the marridge) is the most beautiful women in all of Shegly, she is know throughout the province for her long blonde hair, and her long legs and of course her hairy nipples and taint, which makes any woman in Shegly beautiful by default. Carrick and Vaginelle also grew deeply inlove although the marridge was only meant for peace, they fell in love so much that they had a daughter called Volvic, who became the first High Queen of Shegly after her fathers death. Although there had been wars since the battle of Glenwood which was 8097 years before the reign of Carrick as High King, but Carrick could sense one coming and he knew that was going to be the day he died. The Fucktopians were attacking for the last time,they brought every single Fucktopian to kill Carrick and the rest of the true blood Sheglians. But Carrick knew that there was some still at Fucktopia, as he couldnt see Ass Torvok the son of Shitter Torvok. Just as Carrick was putting on his armour and grooming his now long white beard, he saw all of the Fucktopians climb ontop of each other and then melt into eachother this happened for a short time untill all of the Fucktopains formed a giant beast, a dragon: Yorlkegen. Carrick told all of his warriors that he was going to kill this beast by himself and that he would not return, he told his young daughter that when this beast kills him she is the new yarl of Yargenstead. Carrick marched outside holding a sheild made of 40 yargens and his sword 'Gaia' (named after the fort Gaia, which the Fucktopians destroyed eariler on). Carrick ran at the beast his shield high and sword ready to swing, he moved out of the way of its firey blast and swung his sword at its knee, but to his suprise Carricks sword broke, his mighty sword which had won him many battles, made of Assoniaon steel, was thwarted by some Fucktopian beast. Carrick ran and hid behind a rock, his mind was racing, "How do i kill this beast." He thought, and then at that moment he rembered how his brother died, and how such a great warrior was brought down with yargens. So Carrick started to dismantle his yargen shield and then before him he had 40 pure yargens, he had twenty in each hand and then started to force his asshole to widen because he knew what had to be done. Carrick got up after the last fire blast and charged straight for the beasts open mouth, and as soon as it was about to breath fire Carrick jumped in its mouth and as soon as he was about to land, Carrick shoved all of the yargens in each of his hands in ass.This caused an internal combustion inside Carrick which made him explode, and in turn killed the dragon from the inside. The only remains of Carrick are his taint and prolapse, these are buried at the summit of the Tainted Mountain, but his sword is still to be found. If there is one thing we can learn from Carricks tale it is this: mo money mo problems THE END=